Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict

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I enjoyed Elizabeth Day’s insight into friendships, and I loved the short chapters from different people she’s met along the way, sharing their take on what being a friend means to them. She dismisses "activity buddies" and the concept of hobbies in general, while I love hobbies and am always looking for activity buddies (WILL ANYONE GO ICE SKATING WITH ME, I'M NOT KIDDING).

Its first few chapters are its strongest, as Elizabeth Day recounts various friendships in her life (the childhood friend, the college friend, the frienemy, the date who turned into a friend). I really relate to being younger and wanting everyone to like me, I was a chronic people pleaser for sure. I saw Elizabeth Day at a book event recently talking about this book, which I'd previously heard of but wasn't sure if I would pick up. My cleverest friend thinks you should cultivate loads of them, do all the emotional stuff on sosh media and throw one party a year to control the spend. It seems like a sad indictment of society that we even need to try and analyse friendships but the author sums it up herself….Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict tells the story of one woman's journey to understand why she's addicted to friendship.

Acabei por me relacionar muito com algumas das lutas travadas pela autora neste campo da sua vida, e consegui tirar alguns ensinamentos destas páginas. That I prefer cinema dates to ones in bars and that I don’t do hugs (it’s nothing personal, I just don’t). I am much better at saying no, I don’t have to be at every social occasion (thank God), I have learnt to set boundaries. I related to it so much and believe if every adult read this, we could all be experiencing more honest, deeper connections. In the past, that desire to be liked or be seen as ‘nice’, has probably seen me saying “yes” to too many things and attending occasions that, in all honesty, I’d rather not have.I couldn’t take much from it as most of the case studies seem to be about the author feeling overwhelmed by keeping up with friends (which isn’t the case with me! She briefly pokes fun at the bromance, and goes on to say that the decrease in military participation has robbed men of the ability to have close physical relationships with other men. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Cookie preferences, as described in the Cookie notice.

If you’re in a reflective mood and on friendship high, like I was when I picked this up, then I’d recommend digging in. Intertwined within the book are the "Friendship Tapes," various interviews with other people about their feelings in friendships. Would it be a bit depressing telling me I was a rubbish friend, or would it be an fascinating insight about how friendships work for other people?

The second half of Friendaholic descends into women's-magazine-style puff (some people say social media makes them feel lonely, while others find it a useful way to keep in touch! What I loved about this as a recovering Friendaholic myself is Elizabeth’s vulnerability and openness as she looks at why some of her deepest friendships didn’t work out, as well as why he best friendship with Emma has (and thank goodness- she seems amazing). The tendency to quote Day's conversations with friends verbatim adds more bloat to an already bloated book. Nor does it reveal her astonishing, self-effacing honesty about her own shortcomings, past and present, in dealing with her relationships. I’ve long been a fan of Elizabeth Day’s books and podcasts and the premise of this really intrigued me, it’s a kind of memoir about the beauty of friendship and what happens when it goes wrong.