Gary Bushell On The Box

Product Information

Will The Masked Comedian follow? Could work, with audiences judging stand-ups by their gags alone. The drips on The Last Leg would drop like flies. Wife Billie Connolly (honestly), bored with her caring hubby Cooper and their young family, starts yearning for her former lover Bad Boy Brad – a big yin who shagged her in rooftop pools and subway train tunnels. Drama less so. Keeping Faith delivered but ITV’s Unforgotten and Sky Atlantic’s Mare Of Easttown hit harder. Line Of Duty was in the running until that wash-out ending.

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

TV quiz. Who said, “Shall I load and you push?” Was it a) Sarah Millican to her Rolling In It partner or b) Billie to Brad on Sex/Life?CLASSIC CLANGER: ANDY Gray was talking about giving away goals when he said: “The most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs.” Jim Bowen used to tell contestants, “Look at what you could’ve won.” This was more a case of “Look at who we should’ve hung.” Meanwhile second killer Andy scarpered into Sherwood Forest, which in real life is teeming with doggers these days. Less Merrie Men, more murky ones. Then the White House “betrayed” Logan by letting FBI agents raid the company... and it gets better tomorrow. Strap up!

Bushell Garry Bushell

And everything is over-baked, X Factor style, with wild talk of “epic cooking battles” and someone saying “food-gasmic” which doesn’t even work as a pun. The words ‘One Italian Chef – ready to judge’ flash up on screen. It sounds scary, ominous even, but just means “we booked someone as a judge and they’ll do what we’re paying them for”. He’s not hanging anyone. Sadly. ON Love Island, Gemma was paired with Davide until the producers sent in Effin’-Su to lure him away. She moved on to Luca, and then Gemma’s ex bowled in... what are the chances? It’s more orchestrated than a Putin show-trial. THERE was regulation BBC Thatcher-bashing, natch, although oddly in a UDM village nobody moans about Scargill who wanted confrontation as badly as Maggie did. Why do villagers who worked through it hate the Met though?A WOMAN on Unbeatable hadn’t heard of Francis Drake’s ship The Golden Hind. Worse, she had a history degree! Unbeatable? Unbelievable. When Sir Galahad survivor Michael “Iddy” Iddon came home, he lived in a trench in his garden for months. Baptiste naturally spotted things the Hungarian plod had missed, but there is one mystery I can’t work out. How can he afford to fly around Europe solving crimes when, like Gillian Anderson now she’s stopped wearing a bra, he has no visible means of support?

AMANDA said Eva, who has cerebral palsy, had “funny bones”. D’oh! For funny boners see... (Cut! Ed).Tarby claimed Billy had left a message in the snow and worse that it was in his wife’s handwriting. They have, glow-in-the-dark golden eyes and telekinetic abilities that would blow Derren Brown’s brain. They kill a dog, and stop Amrita from driving her child away, setting off a cacophony of car alarms. HOT on TV: Bosch (AmPrime)... Clarkson’s Farm... Murder At The Cottage (SkyDocs) – true crime, but with an almost poetic quality. THE Serpent jumps about like a frog on a hot plate. Two months earlier, four years later, half-past tomorrow... you need the Tardis to keep up.

Somehow, they had developed Flux-resistant technology and protected Earth with their vessels. Meanwhile 19th century Scousers were doing something dodgy down a mineshaft, and the Sontarans were “30trillion light years away” – which is further than the entire known universe. We all know what “Auntie” got wrong. Their satire is tame, their mainstream sitcoms are as much fun as a Ryanair mystery tour, and their drama commissions miss the target more often than a blindfolded archer on a lop-sided merry-go-round. Frustrated viewers must have felt bone-idle TV bosses deserved to face a public grilling over their failings – preferably involving Dilksy, that bald, scary bloke from the interrogation episode of SAS: Who Dares Wins.In the book and the films, they’re are all blond and blue-eyed. The sinister Village Of The Damned movie poster creeped me out as a kid. Think the Hitler Youth with super-powers or the Johnson clan on holiday. What would the old Anne say about this Anne? Some reference to a portrait in the attic perhaps? Or a suggestion that kids might want to go as her at Halloween?