The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary: In Celebration of Being Average

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Here’s a question, then. Should you beat yourself up for focusing on the bad? Well, maybe that’s not your fault. The devastating truth is that evolution has primed you to be relentlessly negative. I’ve started a ‘gratitude diary.’ It’s lovely to appreciate the little things in life and I feel so much more at peace after writing in my diary.

Here are some real lines from real gratitude literature, plus how I felt when I read them. (Article origins and writers obviously concealed.)

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Take a leaf out of Gray’s book and be kinder to yourself by appreciating life just as it is – IRISH TIMES What we love about Catherine’s book is that she helps us see through her own unique way that the solution to really discovering happiness is really in rediscovering that joy in the ordinary. Those things that we often forget are amazing because they’ve become so commonplace for us. Especially in a world of instant gratification.

Interesting and joyful. Lights a path that could help us to build resilience against society’s urging to compare life milestones with peers – LANCET PSYCHIATRY But why are we so negative? The answer lies in our evolutionary past, and a region of our brain called the amygdala.

The author is ignorant and uninformed in the areas she is trying to speak on, which we learn is because she actively avoids consuming the news or anything else that might be upsetting. Her perspective is ego-centric, and she is unaware of how life outside the upper-middle class looks. My joy in the ordinary has likely made me irritating, to the gloom-mongers of the world. Former me would have hard-swerved current me. I have been known to weep at the beauty of sunrises, and I want to apologise for that, because I feel deeply uncool for typing it, but I’m not going to, because positivity should not be seen as uncool.

She made it her mission to learn how to be default happy rather than default disgruntled – RADIO 4 – WOMAN’S HOUR The layout of this book was awkward to read. I stopped reading the “Odes to…” because they were tiringly descriptive and added nothing of value to the book. I found them a bit odd, and their sunny disposition was polarizing compared to the author’s otherwise bitter tone. They were also detached from the chapter goals. So, what's the answer? THE UNEXPECTED JOY OF THE ORDINARY theorises that the solution is rediscovering the joy in the ordinary that we so often now forget to feel. Because we now expect the pleasure of a croissant, a hot shower, a yoga class, someone delivering our shopping to our door, we no longer feel its buzz. The joy of it whips through us like a bullet train, without pause. Say a relationship ends; now I know he’s a cheater. Or if a boring but reliable source of income vanishes; now I can pursue something that doesn’t turn my brain into a narcoleptic. Having to move house; a new town becomes my oyster.” Catherine adds: “The negative bias is really strong in your relationships as well. One study showed that we need five positive experiences in a relationship to outweigh one negative experience. So, bear that in mind. If you have a big argument, try and make the next day a bit better.” Celebrate your ‘done’ listsYou spend the rest of the night focusing on your shortcomings. But what about all the good things your boss said? Well, you hardly give them a second thought. Neuroscientist Dr. John Cacioppo carried out a study in which he showed his subjects different sets of images and measured how their brains responded. He found that people became more engaged when they looked at negative pictures, like guns and dead animals. Positive photos – things like pizza and ice-cream – didn’t create the same level of excitement.

In the book, we’ll combat this negativity bias, and look at all the reasons to be positive instead. So, what's the answer? The Unexpected Joy of the Ordinary theorizes that the solution is rediscovering the joy in the ordinary that we so often now forget to feel. Because we now expect the pleasure of a croissant, a hot shower, a yoga class, someone delivering our shopping to our door, we no longer feel its buzz. The joy of it whips through us like a bullet train, without pause. Your amygdala plays a key role in your emotions and decision-making. It’s especially sensitive to negative information. This sensitivity evolved with our prehistoric ancestors. Their lives were incredibly difficult. They had to deal with lots of aggression from members of their own tribe, and predators were an ever-present threat. In other words, if our ancestors hadn’t been wired to always look out for trouble, chances are they wouldn’t have lived long enough to reproduce. And one night, I got into a bathtub with a kitchen knife at 3am, inconsolable, and willed myself to do something. I lay there for an hour, until the water was goosebump cold. For that hour, I existed in between two worlds; not wanting to live, yet not being able to do what was necessary to die.That I felt that camera flash of pain in my gob that tells me I need to go to the dentist – so I went to the dentist. That I can afford to do so, without financial jiggery-pokery and stress.” There are many movie examples used in this book and as a reader I find it lazy. The forced links between movies and ideas reminded me of last-minute high school book reports. Most of us are living average, normal lives. We have these flashes of extraordinary moments but they don't last very long... most of [life] is workaday and a bit humdrum and pedestrian. So why not embrace the joy of the ordinary? We've got nothing to lose.” Being thankful for the little things can be life-changing In recovering, I learned how to mine the wonder in the workaday. Simply by doing one thing. Writing at least five gratitudes, daily. (I nearly put myself to sleep writing that last line.) Gratitude-ing has been so done to death it has become clichéd. Yet it was one of the most transformative daily practices I’ve ever adopted.