"FHM" Ladies' Confessions

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Try niyo din po mag-unat ng buto. Tayo po kayo tapos konting stretching lang po. Mataas po kasi HR ninyo. Kinakabahan po ba kayo?”

I felt pity for him because I knew sex played a big part of his life, but also, I still really miss him. So when he asked if he could meet me at a motel, I agreed.I felt safe within the four walls of the chlorox-reeking motel. Everything was safe there. It was just Mike and me. Never mind that all the other days of the week, he was busy being someone else’s boyfriend. It pained me. I felt pathetic every minute he wasn’t with me. My only consolation was our weekly rendezvous at Chlorineland. May nagawa po kasi akong unethical thing with my co-nurse. Ngayon, gusto na nila akong itapon sa ibang hospital.”

Tangina! Ano ba tong si sir! Na-inlove na yata sakin! Shit! Ano bang ginawa ko?! Parang may kilig din sakin kahit papaano. Gago ka, Janine! Hindi pwede! Hindi tama tong na-fefeel mo! But I can see it from his damn eyes! Iba yung pagkakasabi ni Lt. Pagkalinawan. Talagang galing sa puso! Nasapol niya ako kaagad! Pagkatapos mag-lunch ay balik rounds na ako. Nang pagkaakyat kay Lt. Pagkalinawan, naabutan ko siyang nakaupo lang sa kama at nagbabasa ng libro… That was a bad decision on my part. I should have told my husband at the point. But I thought I would be able to handle the situation by just continuing to ignore the stranger, and let the fiasco die out on its own. That was a horrible mistake I made, which eventually, be a vital turning point in my life.Fast forward to 2015: Mike and I are now both married to other people. We still remain friends. My husband does not know. But 16 years later, I still keep asking myself: Does this make me a prostitute? Napahiga siya at halatang nagpipigil ng luha. His eyes were watery pero hindi bumabagsak yung tears. He looked very sad. Very down. Depressed din siguro dahil sa problem niya about his family. I stayed there for a while muna para lang masubaybayan siya at kausapin. Hindi ko naman talaga dapat ginagawa yun, at dahil madami pa akong pasyente. Pero iba kasi ang nararamdaman ko towards Lt. Pagkalinawan. Ewan ko ba. Ang hirap i-explain. I poised myself para magpatuloy sa paglalambing ng titi ni sir. Mabagal ko pa ding hinihimas-himas ang katawan ng ari niya. Napapakislot si Lt. Pagkalinawan tuwing napapadaan mga daliri ko sa ilalim ng helmet nito. Feeling ko, tinutumbok ko ang kiliti niya. So, lalo pa akong nagpursige sa area na yun. I focused my soft fingers there. Habang sinasabayan ng paghagod ng maputing palad ko. Kanina lang. Nilagnat kasi ako so nagpa-test ako sa HQ namin. Lumabas kaagad na positive ang result kaya pinapunta nako kaagad dito.”, the soldier added. I was following him one hot afternoon. He has just finished doing some errands in a bank when I parked behind his car. Rolled my window down and told him to come inside. The guy was hesitant at first but I insisted, so he had no choice but to oblige.

Tumayo ako kaagad at nag-ayos ng pants. Went to the sink para hugasan ang kamay ko. Nag-ayos na din si Ejay. When finished, nagkatitigan lang kaming dalawa at ngumiti kahit hindi kita dahil sa mga masks na suot namin. He went outside first para maka-rounds na. I followed him shortly after. Habang naglalakad, nag-ddrip pa din ang juices ko. I can feel it inside my panties. Grabe! Kahit nilabasan ako ay parang bitin pa rin! I wanted more! I ended it with Mike on the third month because I snagged myself a handsome stud of a boyfriend. He turned to be an animal in bed.After about a month of seeing each other on a weekly basis, he started asking for more sex days. One day a week was simply not enough anymore, he said. He “surprised” me with late-night and spontaneous visits, which was NOT cool with me. By this time, I was casually dating other boys. Gumanti si Lt. Pagkalinawan at dumapo naman sa aking pwet ang kanyang kamay. He gently gave it a squeeze while mashing it with his manly palm. Sinilid niya nag kanyang gitnang daliri sa loob na panty ko. Traced the lining from my butthole pababa sa pussy ko. It stayed there for a while, hindi kumikilos hanggang sa magsimula itong maglikot sa ibabaw ng hiyas ko. He was spreading its wetness around the labia. Yes, kanina pa namamasa puki ko! Sir, dapat hindi po kayo masyadong nagpapagod ah. Ok naman mag-exercise, pero huwag po sobra.”, reminded him. Because I already know who you are…”, told him. “And I can now have a reason to report your behavior to the police.” Well, we just have to deal with it. Hindi na natin concern yun, diba? Basta alagaan mo lang si sir, then, everything will be fine.”

Nakatayo lang siya sa likod ko habang kinakausap ako. Hindi ko siya nililingon dahil wala akong mukhang mapakita. Kahit taklob ako ng PPE suit at protective gears, hindi ko siya kayang harapin. So, I just didn’t answer him. Nagpatuloy lang ko sa mga ginagawa ko. Nagsulat din nga mga notes. Gusto ko nang bilisan para mabawasan naman ang pagkahiya ko. Hello!”, I was removing my PPE. Naka scrub suit muna ko para malamigan nang konti. “Kararating mo lang?” The guy put down one side of my top, causing my left boob to be fully exposed. His right hand continued playing with it, while the other was clutching my behind. He squeezed the butt cheeks mildly, then lifted my skirt so he can feel it better. Meanwhile, I continued massaging his manhood. I held it very tightly on my fingers. The thumb was hitting its tips while the others were sliding smoothly on its body. Nagmamadali akong bumaba sa nurse station at papasok sa pantry. Still couldn’t believe I did such a thing. Ang bilis pa din ng heartbeat ko. Kabadong-kabado ako. I really hoped walang nakakita or makakaalam ng pag-break ko ng protocol. I was afraid to lose my job dahil doon. After few strokes, tuluyan ko nang binaba ang kanyang boxers. Tumambad sa mga mata ko ang kabuuan ng kanyang pagkalalaki. Putangina! Iba talaga kapag sundalo! Napalunok ako. Napa-clear ako ng lalamunan. Shit! Malaki talaga!

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Kasama ko si Ejay sa Pasig hospital na pinanggalingan namin. I’ve been working with him for quite some time now. Nag-volunteer din siya kasi gusto niya daw akong samahan. Haha! Pero yeah, may thing kasi kami ni Ejay. We’re not in a relationship or what, pero siya kasi ang lagi kong kasama kapag off duty na. Noong wala pang pandemic, lagi kaming lumalabas niyan. Nagpapa-relax. Minsan umiinom. Stuff like that. He’s my close buddy. Kung susubukan kong kausapin sila, baka lalo lang ako tablan ng sakit nato. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ko sasabihin. Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula. Ilang taon na akong hindi nakikipagusap sa pamilya ko. Hindi ko din alam kung tatanggapin nila tawag o text ko.” Bahagya naman akong naawa sa pasyente ko. I wouldn’t want that to happen with my parents. Especially, na naka isolate kang mag-isa. Kailangan mo talaga ng kausap. Mahirap kapag may dinadala kang saloobin because it won’t help you recover. But I will try my best para hindi siya mapanghinaan ng loob. He needs all the help he can get, kahit kanino pa galing. Hindi nga po eh. Yun ang masama! Ayaw ko din po kasing malayo sa family ko. Wala po kasing magaalaga sa kanila.”, as tears started dripping. “Eh, hindi ko naman po ma-contest kasi, it’s either lumipat ako or tanggalan nila ako ng lisensya. Which, ayaw ko naman po ng ganun!”