Living with limerence: A guide for the smitten

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If you’re currently experiencing limerence, it’s not possible to be friends with them while you’re in the process of recovery. There’s far too much emotional charge you’ll bring into the connection for there to be an authentic friendship. There is a chance that if you disconnect and process your infatuation with those limerent objects, you may be able to be friends with them in future. But it requires dedication, and commitment to go through the process of letting go and engaging in a personal journey of self-growth. Does Limerence Need Treatment? First, there are the basic mechanics of what happens in the brain to lead to that altered mental state. Second, there is the more personal question of why do certain people turn those neural circuits on for us? Third, there is the issue of how their behaviour can amplify the limerent response. Finally, there is the equally important issue of how our current situation in life makes us more or less personally vulnerable to succumbing to limerence in the first place. I also agree with Allie above that stalking behaviors are a big one in differentiating normal love from limerence. This can then lead to the dynamic of intense bonding. You may feel a sense of peace, contentment and safety when you’re in the presence of your limerent object. This is a hormonal-based mechanic and is rooted specifically in the release of oxytocin and vasopressin, which both regulates and facilitates the bonding process and ultimately leads to love. This can be an important variable to be aware of if you happen to thrive more on emotional connection over sexual arousal.

Thinking is all the way through really helped me, and made me start taking steps to distance myself, which was very painful but necessary. It didn’t seem possible but it was, slowly but surely. I didn’t have a blowup with LO, didn’t tell my SO, I think no-one is the wiser, but today I can see LO occasionally (without me pushing the relationship between all of us, it has gotten more distant) without any really big impact on my emotional life. I still like her, but I’m not pining, and I see her as fully human, flawed, and actually a much less compatible partner for me than my SO.Or the first moment of deceit level where the womans alarm finally goes off and she awakens to what a screwed up situation she has allowed and he wordsmiths like a psychologist that she wasn’t doing anything wrong in seeking comfort from the inattention and emotional abuse she endures at home. (He is of course spinning the husband as the devil as it suits his purpose) Now this is probably familiar but it goes two ways. If I get a message in return I am flooded, overwhelmed with relief. I’m happy again… but of course that’s time limited. Until the cycle repeats. When it comes to limerence, meeting someone who matches our “romantic template” tends to cause intense excitement and arousal. They seem to broadcast a sense of emotional potency. This limerent glimmer is a sign that our brains have made a connection between the cues being given off by the other person and our personal imprint of what a desirable person is like.

I admit that I had doubts sometimes on whether I’m limerent or not, so having some quiz like this as a reference guide is very useful. I remember reading a similar article on thought catalog that was my own big “aha!” moment in regards to limerence. I think I would also score 17 if I had fallen in love in the early stages of a relationship, but I think that is just how a limerent like myself experiences early love – just like an LE but with a happy ending. doesn’t ring very true for me. Maybe I did it a bit during the worst phase of my obsessive period with this last LO, but, in a more general sense, no. Then again, I’m a pretty solitary person in general so maybe it’s just me. Another one that doesn’t quite resonate with me is #12. The closest that I can think of is that my own daydreams (I have a huge tendency to get lost in my own thoughts) become very LO-centric when in limerence, but not to the point that I can’t enjoy my usual hobbies because I’d rather think about LO (I may, though, wonder things like how I can get LO into some of them, when I know/think that they probably don’t share them). I love this paragraph. It sounds like you’re observing your limerent feelings with some more detached part of your brain, which is not a bad thing, although it can lead to loads of internal conflict. Maybe something fruitful can come out of that internal conflict, as you work toward resolving it? 😛Yes and no. I fantasise about the “happy encounters” to get another hit of euphoria. I bypass the worrying stage. Apologies for the long post and thank you for reading if you made it all the way through. Putting this stuff into words really helps (though yes, I’m also learning the difference between processing and ruminating, haha!). This is the first time I’ve been able to share the full truth of what I went through with an audience who will actually understand what I’m talking about. That means the world. I’m writing here to tell other people who are limerent that it is possible to get over it, completely or nearly so, even after it seems to have become entrenched in one’s life. Many of the tips here are very much like the ones I employed to get out of my limerence. I felt terrible–the last thing I wanted was to be a source of hurt for him–but as you can imagine at that point I also wanted/needed that reciprocity like I needed oxygen. He said I was the 7th unavailable woman he’d fallen for like this, so I suspect maybe he’s also a serial limerent. It was a perfect storm. And I thought I understood what sexual frustration was before then……….HA!!!