Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out

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Her cousins roommate moved out and now they are moving in with her. Unfortunately my son will not speak to me unless he has ugly angry things to say. So he completely disrespected what I said and moved her in anyway. But I am the bad guy. Was I suppose to be a doormat. Could I have been less dramatic? Maybe. But i could have also called the police for trespassing but I didn’t. I banged on the bathroom door twice at 1130 at night because of noise. And was loud about the pot. Just ignore it? No I dont think that would be right. For more on this thorny topic, read our article, Giving Money to Grown Children: When to Stop and How to Break the Habit. Top Concerns of Parenting Adult Children Secondly, that phrase "the way he should go" is customized for each child, and includes such things as their career and hobbies and interests. I saw my cousin's grandfather (from her other side of the family) out gardening at 99 years of age, and when I asked him about it, he said that when he was about three, his mother took him out gardening with her. It made me smile, and think of this verse. Carrie Krawiec, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinicin Troy, Michigan, advises parents to take an inventory of what they can control and what they can’t. “You may not be able to control how late your adult child stays out or sleeps in, but you might be able to control their resources like money, use of the car, etc.,” says Krawiec. “Create rules for adult children living at home and expectations for the things you can control and avoid what you can’t.” What to Do About Adult Children Who Expect Money

They may be struggling with the clichéd negative attitudes towards post-menopausal women; they may be leaving work without wanting to retire; they may not have anticipated the next phase of their lives being different, so any sense of rejection by their children may feel particularly hurtful. I ask Byford, who is in her early 70s, if she thinks this younger generation is different, but she feels that this difficult transition has long been there and in fact could well have been faced by her own mother, who had very definite ambitions for her daughter and clearly expressed disappointment at times. Just as adult children are transitioning into adults and parents, so older women are transitioning out of active mothering into the latter stage of their lives.You think you have your children sorted. You got them through GCSEs and A levels, off to university perhaps, or into employment, then – after they brought home a few bad ’uns – settling with a partner and starting their own family. Along the way you might have had some advice from parenting experts such as Penelope Leach, the National Childbirth Trust, fellow mothers at the school gate, siblings or friends. My now 21 year old son who has anxiety and PTSD also had substance abuse issues so about 5 years ago, I went to Nar-anon meetings for about 6 months. The wisdom available at those meetings is invaluable, and can carry over to the issues I am reading here (and experiencing myself). I’m pretty sure the attendees wont care if you go and you don’t have a loved one with addiction.

When you are intrusive and give unsolicited guidance, your kids don't hear it and they view it as a sign of disrespect." Again, this just feels like a foreign concept to me - feeling disrespected just because someone offers a word of advice. I generally appreciated the attention and the thought for me, whether or not I followed the advice. I’m a single parent and I have tried to over compensate for her not having her father in her life. She moved out of my place when she was 29 and now lives in another city than me. We have both agreed that we wanted to live in the same city. I put my house up for sale. I have now sold it and I have to move. I don’t want to live in the city she lives in because there are no doctors and I found there’s a lot of pollution. I am struggling because she does want to move from where she lives but her fiance doesn’t want to move. In the beginning, you think the hardest part of parenting comes with diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights with a crying infant. It isn't until your kids start growing up that you realize each phase brings a unique set of challenges. Toddlers put everything in their mouths, refuse to eat, fight sleep, and climb on everything. Adolescents have no concept of money and don't realize that writing in marker on their dresser drawers, jumping on the couch feet first, or throwing a ball in the house can result in mom and dad having to come up with the money to replace furniture or appliances they hadn't budgeted for that month. Teenagers come with hormones and a search for identity that often result in emotional outbursts of one kind or another. Most parents think that's the worst of it and in many ways it is. Yet, adult children present their own challenges. Adult children don't distinguish between what we consider an innocent remark or desire to fix a problem, and parental control." This one felt odd to me, probably because I seldom, if ever, felt controlled. [One of my sisters felt differently here, so there's a difference in personality coming into play.]

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Life in the 40s. A more focused career (or perhaps a career change), raising children, planning for caregiving as parents and grandparents age, continued education.